![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jayfurrFour weeks ago today I had my last cup of coffee. I don't know how long before that I had my last caffeinated soda, but I definitely haven't had any since.
Many people have asked me: "why???" Or "Dear God, why????" As though life without caffeine is life not worth living. I've answered the question before in more detail, but I'll briefly answer it again: when I tried going cold turkey the withdrawal symptoms were so severe that I realized I had a serious addiction. I don't know if giving up tobacco would be this hard, not as hard, or even harder, but in any case, if the two are even in the same ballpark I'm glad I never ever started smoking. I had to wean myself slowly off caffeine instead of going cold turkey and finally felt ready to go the rest of the way ... four weeks ago. Even then, I had rotten withdrawal symptoms, but I stuck with it, and after, I dunno, three or four days I felt mostly human again. I'm staying off caffeine because I don't like the idea of being held hostage by such a strong chemical dependency.
I don't feel like my head is stuffed with cotton balls, I don't feel sick and dizzy, I don't feel like you used my head as the ball in a rugby match. I'm even proud to say that when I'm training (I work as a technical trainer), I don't stumble and stammer my way through class. I like to think I'm still fairly eloquent and glib. That used to be my excuse for drinking so damn much coffee, anyway: have to be perky and enthusiastic about whatever the heck is I'm training on, even if it's something I've trained on so many times that I can just about put my brain on idle and just mouth the words.
I'm very, very glad to find out that I can do my job without caffeine. I'm pleased that I can get up in the morning, drink a cup of water, take a shower, and be more or less at 100% efficiency without a slow booting up process.
But I'm not so happy about one aspect of my 'recovery' from caffeine addiction. I have no imagination and no creativity. I get by fine during the day so long as I have meaningful work or activities to do, but come the evening, I just have ZERO get-up-and-go. I don't want to go to the gym or work out in a hotel fitness center. I don't want to sit down and blog or write -- and that's a shame, because it used to be a source of some self-esteem that I could write about the Breast Cancer 3-Day (or, as it's now known, the Susan G. Komen 3-Day For The Cure) and later on find out that half the paid staff of the 3-Day were sharing my blog entries around and acting like I was some kind of celebrity when I showed up at local Get Started meetings. But I haven't written any blog posts at all in weeks -- and my LiveJournal would be moribund if it weren't for the daily "My Tweets" summaries of my activities on Twitter. And I have to say, I'm only posting on Twitter so people don't think I'm dead. I don't have any urge to roll up my sleeves and gibber incoherently on Facebook and Twitter and similar places as I once did.
If it strikes you, gentle reader, as weird or banal that I'm bemoaning the lack of my normal gormlessness, I ask for your forgiveness. I've never claimed to be a great blogger or Tweeter -- but I used to enjoy doing that sort of thing nonetheless. Now I don't. Each evening after work, I either sit around at home web browsing while doing loads of laundry and dishes and so on, or, if I'm on the road traveling, I have to fight like crazy the urge to come back to the hotel, grab a bite to eat, and then just ... go to bed.
So, in conclusion, I'm functional -- I can work, do my 3-Day training walks, get chores done, and so on -- but anything that requires creativity is just ... gone. I hope like anything that this, too, shall pass.
Many people have asked me: "why???" Or "Dear God, why????" As though life without caffeine is life not worth living. I've answered the question before in more detail, but I'll briefly answer it again: when I tried going cold turkey the withdrawal symptoms were so severe that I realized I had a serious addiction. I don't know if giving up tobacco would be this hard, not as hard, or even harder, but in any case, if the two are even in the same ballpark I'm glad I never ever started smoking. I had to wean myself slowly off caffeine instead of going cold turkey and finally felt ready to go the rest of the way ... four weeks ago. Even then, I had rotten withdrawal symptoms, but I stuck with it, and after, I dunno, three or four days I felt mostly human again. I'm staying off caffeine because I don't like the idea of being held hostage by such a strong chemical dependency.
I don't feel like my head is stuffed with cotton balls, I don't feel sick and dizzy, I don't feel like you used my head as the ball in a rugby match. I'm even proud to say that when I'm training (I work as a technical trainer), I don't stumble and stammer my way through class. I like to think I'm still fairly eloquent and glib. That used to be my excuse for drinking so damn much coffee, anyway: have to be perky and enthusiastic about whatever the heck is I'm training on, even if it's something I've trained on so many times that I can just about put my brain on idle and just mouth the words.
I'm very, very glad to find out that I can do my job without caffeine. I'm pleased that I can get up in the morning, drink a cup of water, take a shower, and be more or less at 100% efficiency without a slow booting up process.
But I'm not so happy about one aspect of my 'recovery' from caffeine addiction. I have no imagination and no creativity. I get by fine during the day so long as I have meaningful work or activities to do, but come the evening, I just have ZERO get-up-and-go. I don't want to go to the gym or work out in a hotel fitness center. I don't want to sit down and blog or write -- and that's a shame, because it used to be a source of some self-esteem that I could write about the Breast Cancer 3-Day (or, as it's now known, the Susan G. Komen 3-Day For The Cure) and later on find out that half the paid staff of the 3-Day were sharing my blog entries around and acting like I was some kind of celebrity when I showed up at local Get Started meetings. But I haven't written any blog posts at all in weeks -- and my LiveJournal would be moribund if it weren't for the daily "My Tweets" summaries of my activities on Twitter. And I have to say, I'm only posting on Twitter so people don't think I'm dead. I don't have any urge to roll up my sleeves and gibber incoherently on Facebook and Twitter and similar places as I once did.
If it strikes you, gentle reader, as weird or banal that I'm bemoaning the lack of my normal gormlessness, I ask for your forgiveness. I've never claimed to be a great blogger or Tweeter -- but I used to enjoy doing that sort of thing nonetheless. Now I don't. Each evening after work, I either sit around at home web browsing while doing loads of laundry and dishes and so on, or, if I'm on the road traveling, I have to fight like crazy the urge to come back to the hotel, grab a bite to eat, and then just ... go to bed.
So, in conclusion, I'm functional -- I can work, do my 3-Day training walks, get chores done, and so on -- but anything that requires creativity is just ... gone. I hope like anything that this, too, shall pass.
