Random Air Travel Complaint -- United Airlines Edition

[jayfurr]

I travel for work and fly United Airlines virtually everywhere I go. I'm a Premier Executive passenger -- not the highest of the high, but high enough that I often get upgraded to First Class when the time comes to print my boarding pass the night before a flight. The larger seats are nice and it's nice to have an easier time getting enough water to stay hydrated... but nonetheless, there's one thing about it that I really dislike. Hear me out, okay? This takes a tiny bit of explaining.

I'm a vegetarian. My profile at united.com says so. My travel profile at my company's travel booking website says so too.

I know that if I were to buy a first class ticket up front I'd have the option of indicating at the time of purchase that I want a vegetarian meal. That's standard. But for those of us who get a complimentary upgrade a day or so before a flight, there's no opportunity to speak up and say "Vegetarian meal, please." Trust me, I've looked all over the United website and it's not there. United does say in their FAQs that you need to request a special meal 24 hours OR MORE before your flight -- and thus, if I get an upgrade the night before a flight, it's far too late to do anything about it.

And I understand that. I'm ABSOLUTELY OKAY with that. If their catering department needs 24+ hours notice to make sure a special meal is loaded onto a plane, that's fine. Not a care in the world about it. If I'm worried about being hungry I can buy food before the flight, elect one of the United "snack boxes" that they have available for purchase back in coach (the "Luxe" box is fine, for example), or simply wait patiently until I arrive and eat then. It's NOT A PROBLEM. I want to get where I'm going on time in reasonable comfort -- getting fed is just icing on the cake.

So what's my issue?

My issue is that EVERY TIME I see the flight attendants in first class coming around with a clipboard murmuring to the passengers about the meal options ("We have a choice of a hot turkey sandwich or a cold chicken salad," etcetera, etcetera) I know what's coming. They're going to come to my seat, rattle off their spiel, and then, when I politely smile and say "Neither, please. I'm a vegetarian" they're going to stare at me like I've just barfed up a lapful of baby pythons. Then, in a strangled, frustrated voice, they're going to ask "DID YOU REQUEST A SPECIAL MEAL???" Not in the "oh gosh, our bad, did you request a special meal?" kind of way. But in the "oh God, another idiot" kind of way.

When I've said "No, but that's fine" they usually persist. "If you're a vegetarian you have to request a SPECIAL MEAL." And I go, "No, it's really okay. I'm fine." And they say "We could have had a special meal for you if you'd told us in advance."

And about that point, I start to get desperate. By now everyone in the first class cabin is looking at me wondering what my problem is. I say "I'm a Premier Executive passenger. I got a complimentary upgrade 18 hours ago. There wasn't any opportunity for me to request a special meal because it happened less than 24 hours before the flight. And in any case, it's FINE. I'm FINE. I don't need anything."

And they sigh and say "If you wanted a special meal you have to TELL US IN ADVANCE." And they turn with a long-suffering air of despair to the next passenger. "We have a hot turkey sandwich or a cold chicken salad."

I know you're just getting my side here -- and for all you know I'm one of those Passengers From Hell like the one who caused a Jet Blue flight attendant to snap, curse the passenger over the public address system, and then quit his job in spectacular fashion by deploying the emergency escape slide and running away across the airport tarmac. But I'm not. I rarely even carry any luggage on board other than my laptop because I don't WANT to be one of those passengers-from-hell who tries to fit whole sarcophagi and such into the overhead. I fly enough that I have deep respect for the long-suffering flight attendants who have to cope with all the weirdos that they see, and I see, each time we board a plane.

But for the love of God, PLEASE spread the word that upgraded passengers aren't given an option of requesting a special meal, and that even if it's in our profile on the United website it's still not going to make any difference, and that I don't need the public dressing-down every time I get on board an aircraft with an boarding pass marked "1st Class" in hand.

Okay?

Comments

[bethzebra.livejournal.com]

Could you maybe say, "Thanks, I don't need one," and leave it at that?

[jayfurr.livejournal.com]

I should probably start doing that - but I'm still hoping to hear the magic words "Oh, we've got a couple of extra vegetarian meals". That happened once.

That, and I'm worried that they'd find a total refusal of the offer of food worrying as well.

[bethzebra.livejournal.com]

I don't think they would be confused by a simple refusal. I've seen lots of people turn the food down without provoking any comment. It's not like it's all that great, dietary restrictions aside, and they don't know if you've just eaten or whatever.

If you're literally saying, word for word, "Neither please, I'm a vegetarian," it does sort of sound like you're asking for the vegetarian option, which they don't have, which flusters them because they don't know if you're going to be upset or what. Maybe you could split the difference and say, "No thanks, I don't need one," when they first come by, and then when the first round of meal service is over, motion one of them over and say, "Actually, I'm a vegetarian and I didn't get a chance to order the vegetarian meal, I don't suppose you happen to have one of those on board?" That puts it into a context where it sounds like you're asking a favor, which I suspect would make them much less flustered.

Sorry, my Geek Answer Syndrome switch appears to be stuck on tonight.

[(Anonymous)]

Didn't they have an economy vegetarian meal ordered for you? Did the process of upgrading you cause it to get sent back to storage, or would serving you an economy meal in first class offend the sensibilities of the other passengers?

[jayfurr.livejournal.com]

Passengers in economy only get drinks and the opportunity to purchase snack boxes. There is no 'economy' class 'meal' in the traditional sense.

[keyne.livejournal.com]

I'd send this to someone in United management, where it actually has a chance of filtering down to the people who are hassling you :}

[jayfurr.livejournal.com]

Actually, this was in part a test of numerous articles I've read recently about how twitter gripes and blog gripes get rather promptly attended to by airline management. So far: nothin'. :)