Depression
Nov. 14th, 2011 10:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jayfurrI'm entering a time of the year that I don't particularly enjoy.
No, not the "it's getting dark at 4 pm" time of the year, although it's true, that can wear on me. And no, not the "three feet of snow on the driveway -- better get started with the snowthrower" time of the year either, although that's also not always fun. (We've decided to just pay the guy who does our road to do the driveway as well this year. We got so much snow last year that sometimes Carole would have to blow snow for two hours when she got home from work just to get the car up the driveway.)
The unpleasant time of the year I'm specifically thinking of is the "not having anything to look forward to" time of the year. Last year (2010) I had registered for the 2011 Boston, Atlanta, and San Francisco 3-Days by this time of the year. Each gave me something specific to look forward to. In the case of Boston, I hoped for a chance to be a crew captain for the first time -- always wanting to try new experiences, that's me! In the case of San Francisco, Carole and I were going to do that walk together and were going to combine it with a fun vacation to the West Coast before the walk. And in the case of Atlanta, I was working on forming a team of walkers and crew that, in the end, was 32 members strong. As captain, I had my hands full all year long motivating and encouraging and organizing and so on.
Now those walks are all in the past. I did get to be a crew captain in Boston, albeit of a two-member team made up of Carole and me... Route Clean-Up, represent! San Francisco didn't work out to be nearly as much fun as I'd hoped; the week's vacation before the walk evaporated when my mom died on September 1. We went to Florida, handled the funeral, helped organize my father's house, and just made it to San Francisco for the walk proper. (On a positive note, Carole did walk all 60 miles in San Francisco, her first complete no-sweeping 3-Day ever.) I added the Philadelphia walk at the last minute and walked that one as a solo walker, had a great time, and felt wonderful at the end of each day.
Then came Atlanta. I worked really hard to come in with the last walkers on our team, the ones who couldn't speedwalk 4.5 mph if their lives depended on it, on the principle that it's rotten for a team to power on in to camp while some of the team are still out on the route, hurting. We were almost the last to camp on Day 1, but no one was left to struggle. Unfortunately, for some reason -- either because I'd just walked Philadelphia a week earlier and wasn't recovered, or because I'd just about halved my walking speed in Atlanta, I got severe shin splints that made my Atlanta Day 2 hell and caused me, in the end, to ride a sweep van on Day 3, the first time I've ever cut short the distance in 8 3-Days as a walker.
And I still hurt, weeks after the Atlanta 3-Day finished. An X-ray I had on Friday seems to indicate that I'm not dealing with a stress fracture, although friends say that a traditional X-ray won't spot stress fractures anyway. All I know is that my leg aches and hurts and this has kept me from getting active and getting exercise and in any case, it's just plain not fun.
But to return to the central theme of depression -- I've got nothing exciting to look forward to. I'm signed up to crew Boston next July, but I'm having a hard time getting all excited about that. If I wind up as captain again, that'd be fun, but I'm not sure I want to do route clean-up again. Right now I'm signed up for the "Use me wherever I can be useful" crew slot, which means that I might literally not find out what I'm doing until a week before the event. I'm signed up to walk Seattle with the "Kindred Spirits" team, a team primarily made up of Washingtonians and West Coasters, some of whom I do know online, but unfortunately, won't have any opportunity to interact with in person until next September -- unless the work travel fairy at my employer randomly sends me in that direction for a class. And then I'm signed up to be Route Marking Crew with Carole in the 2012 San Diego 3-Day -- over a year away. Hard to get super-motivated about something so far in the future.
As for traditional vacation, Carole and I were signed up to do an Austria/Czech Republic bicycling tour next May, but Carole's underemployment (working temp accounting positions one after another) has left us wondering if blowing that much money for an overseas vacation would really be smart. We might switch and do Martha's Vineyard/Nantucket instead -- minimal expense for the travel, obviously, while still getting to explore a place we've never been.
But other than that, that's it. I hate having nothing exciting to look forward to. When something exciting is happening, I'm at my best. Ready for anything, ready to pitch in and help out and do what I can. But when tedium settles over the landscape... man. I feel like I'm trudging through molasses under a gray, moody sky. I'm sleepy each night at 8 pm and don't feel rested and perky in the morning.
If my left leg wasn't so achy I could at least go work out on a treadmill or go for a ten mile training walk in hopes of burning some of the crazy out, but right now, even that's not a realistic option. I don't want to aggravate whatever's wrong with my leg by overdoing it.
Sigh.
No, not the "it's getting dark at 4 pm" time of the year, although it's true, that can wear on me. And no, not the "three feet of snow on the driveway -- better get started with the snowthrower" time of the year either, although that's also not always fun. (We've decided to just pay the guy who does our road to do the driveway as well this year. We got so much snow last year that sometimes Carole would have to blow snow for two hours when she got home from work just to get the car up the driveway.)
The unpleasant time of the year I'm specifically thinking of is the "not having anything to look forward to" time of the year. Last year (2010) I had registered for the 2011 Boston, Atlanta, and San Francisco 3-Days by this time of the year. Each gave me something specific to look forward to. In the case of Boston, I hoped for a chance to be a crew captain for the first time -- always wanting to try new experiences, that's me! In the case of San Francisco, Carole and I were going to do that walk together and were going to combine it with a fun vacation to the West Coast before the walk. And in the case of Atlanta, I was working on forming a team of walkers and crew that, in the end, was 32 members strong. As captain, I had my hands full all year long motivating and encouraging and organizing and so on.
Now those walks are all in the past. I did get to be a crew captain in Boston, albeit of a two-member team made up of Carole and me... Route Clean-Up, represent! San Francisco didn't work out to be nearly as much fun as I'd hoped; the week's vacation before the walk evaporated when my mom died on September 1. We went to Florida, handled the funeral, helped organize my father's house, and just made it to San Francisco for the walk proper. (On a positive note, Carole did walk all 60 miles in San Francisco, her first complete no-sweeping 3-Day ever.) I added the Philadelphia walk at the last minute and walked that one as a solo walker, had a great time, and felt wonderful at the end of each day.
Then came Atlanta. I worked really hard to come in with the last walkers on our team, the ones who couldn't speedwalk 4.5 mph if their lives depended on it, on the principle that it's rotten for a team to power on in to camp while some of the team are still out on the route, hurting. We were almost the last to camp on Day 1, but no one was left to struggle. Unfortunately, for some reason -- either because I'd just walked Philadelphia a week earlier and wasn't recovered, or because I'd just about halved my walking speed in Atlanta, I got severe shin splints that made my Atlanta Day 2 hell and caused me, in the end, to ride a sweep van on Day 3, the first time I've ever cut short the distance in 8 3-Days as a walker.
And I still hurt, weeks after the Atlanta 3-Day finished. An X-ray I had on Friday seems to indicate that I'm not dealing with a stress fracture, although friends say that a traditional X-ray won't spot stress fractures anyway. All I know is that my leg aches and hurts and this has kept me from getting active and getting exercise and in any case, it's just plain not fun.
But to return to the central theme of depression -- I've got nothing exciting to look forward to. I'm signed up to crew Boston next July, but I'm having a hard time getting all excited about that. If I wind up as captain again, that'd be fun, but I'm not sure I want to do route clean-up again. Right now I'm signed up for the "Use me wherever I can be useful" crew slot, which means that I might literally not find out what I'm doing until a week before the event. I'm signed up to walk Seattle with the "Kindred Spirits" team, a team primarily made up of Washingtonians and West Coasters, some of whom I do know online, but unfortunately, won't have any opportunity to interact with in person until next September -- unless the work travel fairy at my employer randomly sends me in that direction for a class. And then I'm signed up to be Route Marking Crew with Carole in the 2012 San Diego 3-Day -- over a year away. Hard to get super-motivated about something so far in the future.
As for traditional vacation, Carole and I were signed up to do an Austria/Czech Republic bicycling tour next May, but Carole's underemployment (working temp accounting positions one after another) has left us wondering if blowing that much money for an overseas vacation would really be smart. We might switch and do Martha's Vineyard/Nantucket instead -- minimal expense for the travel, obviously, while still getting to explore a place we've never been.
But other than that, that's it. I hate having nothing exciting to look forward to. When something exciting is happening, I'm at my best. Ready for anything, ready to pitch in and help out and do what I can. But when tedium settles over the landscape... man. I feel like I'm trudging through molasses under a gray, moody sky. I'm sleepy each night at 8 pm and don't feel rested and perky in the morning.
If my left leg wasn't so achy I could at least go work out on a treadmill or go for a ten mile training walk in hopes of burning some of the crazy out, but right now, even that's not a realistic option. I don't want to aggravate whatever's wrong with my leg by overdoing it.
Sigh.
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no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 02:24 am (UTC)If there's a gym nearby with a pool, you might want to see about a short term membership and try walking in water. I do that when my back won't let me go for any kind of training walks.
games,webmaster,design,publication
Date: 2011-11-20 05:08 pm (UTC)